


Sleeping Beauty

by RedSnow1



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Coma, Curses, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, F/M, Fear of Death, Married Couple, Married Life, Married Sex, Married Tina Goldstein/Newt Scamander, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Newt Scamander, Protective Tina Goldstein, Psychological Torture, Suicide Attempt, Time Loop, Torture, True Love, Violence, losing loved ones, newtina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-06-02 22:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19451122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedSnow1/pseuds/RedSnow1
Summary: Porpentina Scamander gets hit by a curse on the job and has no choice but to relive the same day everyday… a day that only ends with what she fears the most.





	1. The Curse

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys !
> 
> I have been working on this for a while, and I am proud to present this short fanfiction to you ! It's dark, it's angsty, but as always, it ends well (despite all the warnings). It shall have four chapters that I will publish weekly on Wednesdays (or at least, try to).
> 
> /!/ Now, I want to warn you that suicide, psychological torture and PTSD will be at the center of this story : I hope I won't trigger anyone... And if I do, I am very sorry /!/
> 
> /!/ I checked the "Major character death" thingy, because well... a major character dies but as you will see, he won't stay dead for ever. I don't wanna spoil all of this, so keep reading and you will see !
> 
> As always, thank you @Nakahisa for your support and your amazing beta work : you have done marvelous as always, and made this story so much better ! Your enthusiasm means the world <3  
> Thanks to all my friends (you will recognize yourselves) for all your support that always push me further.
> 
> Now now, friends, I wish you a happy (not so happy) time, and I will see you on Saturday for those who want, for the first chapter of the sequel of "Please, just be happy"
> 
> Feel free to let me know what you thought of it ;)

Porpentina Scamander awoke quietly, feeling a  finger trace  feather-like  touches down the curves of her body, from her bare shoulder to her hip bone. The neighbor ’ s radio was playing the tune of the moment and she recognized it to be « Freckle face, you are beautiful » by Ray Noble — a song they both liked very much. She smiled softly and allowed herself to keep her eyes closed for a few more seconds, appreciating the fondness in the movement, the tickle that almost made her giggle. Just a  while more — while he still thought she was asleep. It was her favorite way of waking up — with him by her side, touching her body like she were the most fragile and delicate thing he had ever laid hands on. Tina was not, and had never been a morning person — who better than her husband to rouse her  gently ? She sighed happily and turned around to stare at her husband. The light in Newt Scamander’s room was dimmed by the curtains but the sun was shining bright outside, illuminating his beautiful face she knew she could never get enough of. His hair, as always, had a life of their own, tufted and tousled, as he rested on the pillow, half naked, but his smile alone made her heart  skip a beat . What a sight to wake up to, she thought.

“Good morning, sleeping beauty.” He mumbled, his voice still raspy with sleep, and yet his eyes wide awake.

How he managed to be in such a good mood every morning was a mystery to her. He was always the first one to wake up, and get dressed before cooking breakfast while she needed to stay in bed for a couple of minutes before mustering the courage to leave the warmth of her blanket  and the softness of her pillow to brew her cup of coffee. By the time she was ready, he  would have already fed his menagerie. Newt was always so full of energy in  the morning, while she was more of a night owl.

She moaned, stirring, before staring at him  happily . His hand fell over her stomach protectively, pulling her closer so that her head was on the top of his chest. Oh, she wanted to stay in bed all day with him, safe in his arms. Work could  wait  — this — such tenderness couldn’t. She wanted nothing more than to forget about her worries and troubles  while lying on  his chest, where his heart was beating steadily. Why did it have to be Monday already ? Why did she have to go to work again ?

“Does that make you my Prince Charming ?” She answered sleepily.

Newt laughed shyly, playing with a lock of dark hair that had gone rogue and was  blocking her sight. He  tucked it behind her ear and she put her hand over his, enjoying the softness of his skin.

Had she known that all mornings next to Newton Scamander would have been that way, she wouldn’t have waited so long before agreeing to marry him.  Initially she was of the opinion that it was too soon. After all, t hey had all the time in the world, didn’t they? Why rush into a marriage when they could simply enjoy their relationship the way it was ? Simple and perfect. After a few years of stolen kisses between two doors and  multiple rendezvous after work, Newt had asked her again, and this time she had agreed.

She had known all along that he was the one.  However  marriage wasn’t something to joke about, and she wanted to be ready to be the most perfect wife he could ever dream of.

They had been married for three months now and nothing made her happier than to know that this man was hers, and that she was his until death tore them apart.

“Do I get to kiss you then ?”

Tina nodded, and waited for her husband to place a chaste and soft kiss on her lips.  S he would  now consider herself properly awake. Newt  carefully pushed the blanket aside, and went to take his shower : the right amount of time for her to brew her cup of coffee.

Both of them got ready and headed to work, walking side by side, hand in hand, giggling like two love-sick fools. They didn’t care what people thought of them, the way  others looked at them everyday.  T hey  may be  a strange pair, but they were living a dream. And nothing could have made  Tina  happier.  After all that had happened in her life, s he was satisfied  at last.

Tina worked all day on her cases — today was paperwork about Grindelwald’s last known location. No matter how contented with her life — there was still someone missing from it. She had not given up on her sister Queenie. But so far,  there was  nothing. It is hard to search for a person that doesn’t want to be found.

Before heading home for the day, Tina had informed Newt that she wanted to check on a lead. A witch had told her about people coming in and out of the mansion : there was a person whose description matched Queenie’s. Tina had her doubts. Surely this wanted witch wouldn’t be hiding in plain sight — however a lead was a lead, and even if it was false information Tina wanted to explore it. Just in case. Her husband offered to come with her, and she agreed. Porpentina Scamander could never resist Newt’s sweet pout whenever she refused to bring him with her after-hours missions. He insisted that it was his duty as the man she had married to ensure her safety. It was chivalrous — it was all Newt.

They walked around London hand in hand, talking about what they would make for dinner. Those simple and mundane talks always made her incredibly blissful : their everyday life was the best part of her day. He offered to carry her suitcase for her, and she smiled. He was perfect and most definitely the best man she had ever had the chance to meet. 

The house was only a couple of streets away, and soon, they  found themselves  near St Mungo’s hospital.

It was a rather dark looking mansion that seemed to have been abandoned centuries ago by their previous owner. Tina pushed the door open, and  entered the premises, Newt at her tail, wands ready.  The place seemed empty — there was no noise  safe for the soft blowing of the wind in the attic. Many old furniture were on display — some of them looked like they had belonged to the Victorian era. It must have been beautiful before all the dust and dampness. Yet — it  looked too  well taken care of for a place that  was supposed to be deserted .

Tapping on  her Auror abilities, the woman began to inspect her surroundings. Something was off — a place like this in the center of London ? Why hasn't anybody looked into it ? It looked incredibly  neat for an abandoned house. It was strange —  something was not right but Tina couldn’t understand what was bugging her.

“Revelio.”

S uddenly, it was as if a veil had been lifted. The  layer of dust evaporated, the room cleaned itself and everything began to shine. The fire, in the chimney was cracking happily. This was not a wrong information after all. Someone lived there — Could it be ?

Tina was about to turn to her husband to share her thoughts when the floor creaked behind them — she turned only to hear a spell  being screamed  out  and green light emanating from the tip of their attacker’s wand. Everything happened so fast, and yet so slowly. Tina couldn’t move, frozen in place, surprised by this unexpected intrusion.

She saw the green heading towards her, but before she could move, somebody pushed her to the side. Tina fell down, her head  knocking t he corner of the table, and soon enough, her sight was clouded with her own blood running front her temple. Dizzy, confused, she looked up, finally able to recognize their attacker : Vinda Rosier was standing near the entrance, her wand drawn, a  shrewd  smile on her face while Queenie was standing behind her — horrified. Tina couldn’t understand the shock on her sister’s face : she had  avoided  the attack. Why was she reacting that way ?  Tina’s confusion turned into understanding when she heard a loud thud next to her.

Newt, who had  placed himself between her and the deadly spell , had fallen to the ground heavily, his wand still clutched in his right hand, ready to strike. He had pushed her to the side, taking the full power of the Killing Curse.

Everything stopped. She couldn’t hear Vinda’s laugh echoing inside the hall, nor Queenie screaming for them to get away quickly. They disappeared into the night, and Tina did nothing to stop them. She couldn’t move, couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t see anything but her husband dead on the ground, his beautiful eyes wide open and yet empty of their usual shimmering. His face was stuck in an expression of concern and surprise, his lips open in shock.

Tina screamed but it sounded muffled in her ear. She screamed at the top of her lungs, hurrying towards the love of her life, laying dead on the ground, and she knelt next to him, running her hand in his tousled hair, begging him to wake up. His heavy head was  lolled  on her thighs, his body limp despite everything she tried to shake him, get him to breathe. His chest was inanimate. Newt wouldn’t wake up. His heart was no longer beating cheerfully inside of him.

He was gone.

Newt was dead.

And Tina fell next to him.

* * *

Turning his wedding ring between his fingers, right leg  tapping impatiently on the ground, Newton Scamander carefully eyed at the empty hallway. The  sound of his boot hitting the ground was  the only sound breaking the peaceful summer night : It was late, and St Mungo’s had fallen into a deep silence which seemed morbid in a way. Nurses and Healers were busy , either resting  in between their tiring shifts or  attending to patients; a few of them were  trying to come up with a solution for his problem, and Theseus had not been able to accompany him.  The hospital rules  were strict and Newt hadn’t been able to bring his dearest creatures with him for comfort : they were all at home, under the care of his assistant Bunty, who, upon hearing what had happened, had hurried to his apartment to help him out. He was by himself, sitting on a chair, waiting but his mind was elsewhere. His heart was beating painfully in his chest, his eyes blurred by the many tears he had promised he would not shed. He had been asked to wait outside,  and wait he did, his stony eyes staring at  the room in front of  him . The room where  Tina rested. The door was closed, and he had no idea what was behind it. No one had been able to tell him what happened exactly — just that she was hurt and that he needed to come, just in case.

Newt couldn’t understand why he was forbidden to see her.  Tina was his wife after all. He deserved to have a chance to be near her — that was the promise he had made  at the  altar , when he had chosen to marry her.  _ In sickness and in health _ , he had said. No matter how bad she looked, no matter how injured she was, he could handle it. What he couldn’t stand , was the idea of being away  from her side — if anything happened — anything at all, he wanted to hold her hand until her last breath. 

He sighed, fighting the tears, trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

Newt had waited for Tina that night, in his office, using  the extra time to work further on some cases. He was used to her being late — she always apologized for it. Only this time, it wasn’t Tina who had crossed the threshold of his office, but his brother Theseus,  his  head  bowed down. The magizoologist had been able to tell from his face that something was off, that something had happened to his wife. The Head-Auror had told him that during her mission, Porpentina Scamander had been hit by a curse and transferred to St-Mungo’s. Newt had immediately abandoned his papers to run to her, apparating outside the premises. He needed to see her, to make sure that she was alright and that she would remain so.

The wizard  shivered ,  wrapping  his famous blue coat  tightly around his body . He heard footsteps coming his way, and a woman appeared, wearing a white overall. Jumping from his chair, he ran to her, stopping her before she entered another room and disappeared forever.

“Excuse me — I have been waiting for hours. I need — I need to know if my wife is alright.” He asked, his lips trembling.

His voice had broken in the middle of the sentence, betraying his need to appear strong. The woman stopped walking, not daring to meet his eyes. The nurse seemed exhausted : it was after all the middle of the night, and for hours, she had been the only soul to cross that hallway. She sighed,  visibly annoyed : he was interrupting her  schedule .

Normally, he wouldn’t have done that.  He would have waited patiently until someone approached him.  But  this  was Tina they were talking about.  She  was his everything , and had been targeted and hurt. He would not wait another minute. He needed to know what had happened, what he could do to help his wife in her recovery.

“We don’t know.” She coldly admitted, turning a few pages from her report.

Perhaps it was the lack of sleep. Maybe it was the worries. He couldn’t exactly say. It was possible that it was a mix ture of all of these intense emotions he was experiencing that  made  his blood boil in his veins, fist s clench ed painfully. Newton Artemis Fido Scamander was not an easy man to get worked up. But the lack of consideration coming from this woman, her careless  attitude  were getting on his nerves.

His wife was hurt ! For all he knew, she could be dying alone in her room — far away from him. He had to do something — anything ! He had the right to know !

“What do you mean, you don’t know ?” Newt  snapped , irritated.

Startled by his sudden outburst, the woman looked at him right in the eye. Her badge, on her pocket, displayed her name : Mallory. She appeared quite young, and worried — perhaps she was even new to the hospital. She had a long silvery hair tucked in a tight ponytail and wonderful clear blue eyes that had the same color as the water on a very sunny day. She bit her lip, understanding his hurry and fear and he witnessed some remorse inside of those blue orbs.

“Mr. Scamander… We have no idea what happened to her. We tried everything. She just — won’t wake up.”

The nurse explained to him that Tina had been found unconscious in an alleyway : she had tried to rescue a new Auror who had found himself in a difficult position after trying to attack Grindelwald’s follower. She had shielded the newbie at her own risk : the curse had hit her. There was no injury for them to heal, nothing in any of the test s they ran. She was in a sort of induced coma and didn’t seem to wake up from it.  The healers  had examined her all night long but none of them had been able to identify the magic that had been used. Trying a counter spell or a potion could only worsen the situation. The staff had called in  S pecialist in dark magic but they would not arrive before the next day. The wizard  frowned .  The explanation made sense, but a part of him  couldn’t  accept it . If there was nothing wrong with his wife — Why wouldn’t she wake up?  Why couldn’t an induced coma be undone?

“I’m sorry I can’t be of more help” She  said softly,  ready to  take her  leave.

“Can I — I want to see her.” He whispered.

It was not a question, nor a  formal  request. It was the  desperate begging of a  heartbroken  man, scared and worried. A man who was afraid to lose the woman he loved. The nurse obliged, and opened the door for him before leaving as quickly as she had appeared. She didn’t come back before the break of dawn the next day.

Reaching for the door  and pushing it open , Newt’s legs began to wobble, and suddenly, he was too weak to carry himself next to the bed that was placed in the middle of the room.  He stood, frozen.  There, immobile  on the bed ,  lay  Porpentina Scamander, her eyes closed, her chest rising up and down  to a steady rhythm , albeit faster than normal . Her cheeks  appeared  rosy, her lips as pink as they usually were but she  didn’t look right  —  it was  as if staying alive was draining all of her energy. If Newt hadn’t known any better, he would have thought that she was sleeping. After all, he liked to spend a great deal of time observing her  in  slumber, amused by the way she whimpered in her dreams and her unusual but adorable habit of listing her grocery list out loud whenever she was in deep sleep. Tina was always a talker — especially after a long day, and he loved to hear  her silly mutterings .  Right now, Tina’s  lips were parted but no sound escaped , safe for the breaths .

There seemed to be nothing wrong with her, except for the fact that she would not open her eyes. Why wouldn’t she ? What was  holding her back ?

Hoping that she would sense his presence by her side, fighting the urge to fall into his knees and cry, Newt crossed the remaining steps separating himself from the woman he loved, and took her hand into his. It was cold, and motionless — so unlike her. Her entire body was always warm, even in winter, and she often slept close to him to  regulate his own body warmth . Her skin was soft , as he knew it would be. All he needed now was for her to open her eyes. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear tenderly and whispered, shaking, as he placed a kiss on the top of her head.

“I’m here — You will be alright. I’m here, my sleeping beauty”

It was a promise. He needed to let her know that he would never leave her side. He would never dream of it. But his sobs stopped this lullaby he kept on repeating, mostly for himself. Could she hear him, wherever she was ? 

Newt remained by his wife’s side all night long — not daring to leave the room in case she decided to wake up at last. No one came to disturb the heavy silence that remained in the room, except for  the healers  who  came in  often  to check her vitals. He kept talking to her, begging her to come back. Tina didn’t. She didn’t move one bit, her lids closed, her mouth slightly open to let out a steady breath. From time to time, he placed his hand on her chest, checking that her heart was still beating — She was still alive. How long would she be ? How long could she remain in this strange coma ? What kind of spells would do that ?

He observed her all night, hoping for a change. There was none — nothing out of the ordinary. He noticed, however, at midnight the strangest thing. Newt was about to succumb to his slumber, curled up at his wife’s side after trying to stay awake after this long day when he saw a single tear escaped from her closed eyes. It rolled down her right cheek and  ended the trail at  her neck.

* * *

Porpentina Scamander awoke quietly, feeling a  finger trace  feather-like  touches down the curves of her body and she sobbed. The neighbor ’ s radio was playing the tune of the moment and she recognized it to be « Freckle face, you are beautiful » by Ray Noble — but this time, the song sounded like bitterness and loss.  Surely , she  had to be dreaming — it almost felt as if he was in bed with her, right where he was supposed to be , a weight on her body where his hand would be if he were alive . But Newt was dead, she had held his dead body in her arms  so  clearly  she was hallucinating — losing her mind just as her friends from school had predicted she would. Newt had died trying to save her and she would never be able to forgive herself. She didn’t remember much from the previous day, but immediately, her sorrow hit her and tears began to run down her tired face, wetting the pillow. Probably sensing her confusion and sadness, the  weight  on her hip was now heavier,  a vice-like grip trying to spin her around. That’s when she realized that something was off. Where was she ? How had she gotten home ? She recognized her surroundings as her late husband’s room. Where was Newt ? Who had rescued her ? Who was in her bed touching her the way he did ? 

Anxiety took over her body as s he shivered, feeling this foreign touch on her very naked body. She jumped, and got out of bed quickly — not even bothering to cover her dignity, her wand ready to strike whoever had broken into her home. They wouldn’t live long enough to remember the sight of her bare body. The wooden stick  slipped from her grasp as she discovered the identity of the man who was now staring at her as if she were crazy. And her legs began wobbling. Maybe she was crazy after all…

“Newt ?” She screamed, half sobbing.

Newton Artemis Fido Scamander was laying in bed, half naked, his tousled hair out of control, very much alive. His cheeks were pink, his lips as well — he looked just as lively as the day before. It couldn’t be — She had seen it ! She had witnessed his downfall — How could he be here, pretending that none of this had happened ? He didn’t move, surprised by her reaction to her touch and the fact that she had ran away from him, her wand ready to strike him. There was an unsure smile painted all over his lips, and she could read the confusion out of his face.

“Everything alright, sleeping beauty?” He whispered.

No. She was not alright. Definitely not. Had this all been just a nightmare then ? It seemed so real — she could remember the sound of his body hitting the floor, remember his exact features, stuck in death for the rest of eternity. No — It had to be real — She couldn’t have dreamt of that. It was too messed up, and  it  was sheer torture  for someone who needed everything to make sense . She was losing her mind, pacing to and fro in the large room filled with plants of all kind s , not caring about the fact that she was not wearing any clothes. Did it matter ? She was going mad. Her brain was  working overtime , her body was weak, she was confused, angry and scared. Newt had died in her ams — How could he be there ?

Yet — this scene had a taste of déjà-vu : The song, the lighting of the room, his hands running on her body. What was wrong with her ?

Newt got out of bed, and suddenly, his strong arms were circling her torso, his chest bumping into hers as he dropped the softest of kisses on the crook of her neck. She swayed in his arms, having missed his warmth from the few hours where her life had seemed empty without him.

“Shame it’s already Monday — I would have liked to cuddle all day.” He whispered into her ear.

She froze. Monday ? But — Monday was yesterday ! Monday was the day they had gone to investigate the mansion — the day he had — She couldn’t bring herself to think about it anymore.

“What did you just say ?” She answered, getting away from him.

Newt Scamander looked at her quizzically, confused and now really worried. His hand fell on the top of her head, and she knew he was checking her temperature. He sighed, obviously disappointed to observe that she didn’t have a fever — anything that would explain her erratic behavior.

“Tina — Are you well ?”

She most definitely was not.

How could it still be Monday  today when yesterday  _ was _ Monday  ?

How could he be alive when she vividly remembered losing him ?

Perhaps she was indeed going crazy.


	2. A fate worse than death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina is ready to do anything to prevent her husband from dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys !
> 
> Thank you all for your amazing comments ! I know this story is a little confusing and well... sad. Just keep in mind that reality is what Newt sees. Tina is stuck in her mind because of a curse : what she sees ? Not real, even if it appears so to her.
> 
> /!/ Careful, this chapter contains some events related to suicide that could be triggering /!/
> 
> Anyway, here is chapter 2 ! I hope you will enjoy it !
> 
> Big thanks to my wonderful beta @Nakahisa <3 What would I do without you ?
> 
> Tell me what you thought about it, and see you next week for the next chapter ;)

Porpentina Scamander  kept waking up to the  feeling  of a feather-like finger tracing down the curves of her body and she found it bother some . The neighbors ’ radio was playing the  song  of the moment and she now knew  the tune by heart. Ray Noble and his freckled face  song was slowly getting on her nerves. She didn’t mind Newt touching her body — Didn’t mind his presence in his bed : it was just that she knew that  this Newt  was not her  real  husband. Over the past  few days, Tina had tried to  make sense of what was happening to her and had come to  a quick understand ing that she never managed to  get to  Tuesdays. Everyday, as soon as she woke up, she relived the same day, the same dialogue.  H er  day would always end with Newt dying in front of her eyes. No matter what she did.

The witch had tried to change the scenario s multiple times.  The first was w hen Newt had askedto accompany her to the mansion to investigate, she had refused despite his pouty lips and his whining. When she had entered the house, she had ducked Vinda’s killing curse and captured the two criminals to bring them to the Ministry. Her bosses were happy and so was she. The brunette had managed to prevent the death of the man she loved. She had come home, giddy  with happiness , only to find the apartment empty. Moans and screams  echoed  from the basement, where the creatures were kept safely, and she had ran towards them, wand drawn, ready to overcome any danger. Bunty, her husband’s loyal assistant was weeping next to the pool, shaking, her index pointed at the Kelpie pit. What she saw froze her blood : her husband’s body was floating around the pool, motionless, as the Kelpie was swimming around him, worried. Tina dived in to try to revive him :  but there was nothing  she could  to do. Newt Scamander had died once more, and the tears she had spilled blended with the wetness of his limp body.

And then the day  would  begin again,  waking  up next to him once more. He always said the same sentence while « Freckle face, you are beautiful » played in the background. Tina looked at him quizzically and  started asking questions, whether he remembered being killed and what was happening to them. Newt’s reaction was to tell her that she had a bad dream before dropping a kiss, and going to the shower. This time, she joined him , hoping to change the scenario again. Besides , and she liked sensing his body wrapped around hers,  it helped erased  the dreadful memories of his demise. She let the water run on her face and he helped her wash her hair like the perfect gentleman he was.

They went to the Ministry together, holding hands as always, as if none of it had ever happened. He had asked her if he could come with her. She had refused. He had died that way on her watch once, and she would not risk it again.  Perhaps t he universe had given her a chance to change his destiny and she didn’t want to waste it over some strange lead.

She went on her own and she was ambushed  like before . Vinda tried to kill her once more but Queenie stopped her from hurting her sister. Queenie could never — so she ran away. And Tina let her. When Tina came back to the Ministry, empty handed and confused  with this particular outcome ,  a tearful  Theseus came to tell her that her husband had perished in a very unfortunate mission involving a rogue dragon. This time, she didn’t get to mourn over his dead body : it  had been  reduced to ashes.

Her legs gave up on her, and she  collapsed , overwhelmed by the pain of his loss, crushed by the idea that he has died once more. Knowing that there was nothing she could do to stop it.

  
  


She woke up in his arms  again . This time, as he stirred and pushed the covers, she took his hand into hers, and brought him closer. Tina didn’t want to let go of him, but he moaned — telling her that they had much to do and that they couldn’t stay in bed for too long. He caved in though, letting her snuggle on his chest, caressing her scalp in a soothing way. Even in this strange place he always knew how to make her feel better. After a long cuddle, her husband went to shower, and she remained in bed, a huge smile painted on her face. She was already planning to spend the day at home, to skip work to spend more time with the man she loved. But then, she heard it : in the shower, he had  slipped and fallen.  Tina rushed to the bathroom, open ed the door apprehensively and saw his body lying limp on the tiled floor, his eyes wide open, blood running from his head.  Newt was dead , and she knelt  by his body , screaming and crying,  lamenting why this kept happening to her, holding his nude body tight against her.

Tina  woke up  and as expected, Newt was there,  sleeping.  Seeing him stir , she didn’t give him the time to wake up  as she whispered a spell that  tied him to the bed. She needed answers. She needed to  figure out exactly what was going on , but she couldn’t do that if he kept on dying. Tina didn’t explain anything, and le f t him  t here, unable to move. The woman put his wand on the table of the living room, knowing that it was too far for him to reach it and rushed to the Ministry to ask around. Everybody thought she was crazy — that she had a fever  or had overworked . Why didn’t anyone believe her ?  Tina knew what she had seen. She knew today was Monday — and it had been so for the past few days. She didn’t care  for their strange looks and whispers.

When  Tina found herself standing on the street leading to  home  - a few hours later  and  empty-handed, she was greeted with a  smouldering pile of ash  and debris . During her mission  at the Ministry , the entire building had burnt down, and Newt, far away from his wand and cuffed to the bed, had perished in the fire, unable to get free.

Tina didn’t cry this time. It all seemed… ridiculous.

She didn’t cry either when he died strangled by Dougal — Why would he even do that ? Nor when he was trampled to death by a horde of fan s . None of this sounded… plausible. His multiple deaths were getting more and more ridiculous. Newt would never die that way. Newt would die saving her, or rescuing creatures.  T hese accidents , however, didn’t make any sense.

And the more it happened, the more it hurt.

It hurt  to  not  to understand whatever was going on. It hurt not to be believed. To be considered crazy.

Despite that,  Tina didn’t want to abandon  this quest for answers . She was stuck in a loop, forced to see her husband getting killed in various ways — How did that happen ? She couldn’t remember anything. She couldn’t understand.

The witch woke up again, and pretended that she was still asleep. Newt’s fingers were trailing down her body and she wanted nothing more than to destroy the neighbor’s radio. The day  re started every time he died.  Perhaps t here was something she could try  by  herself to attempt breaking this terrible spiral she had found herself in.

Tina  deduced that she had to die first. If she did — then maybe he wouldn’t. Maybe it would all be over.

* * *

“It’s been almost two weeks… And you remain here, by her side everyday.”

Newt Scamander jolted awake, glancing around, seeking for the source of this voice who had broken  through his sorrowful reverie. His hand was still holding his wife’s , whose state had worsened over the past few weeks. Porpentina Scamander was getting paler every day, her face more shallow as dark circles had began to spread under her eyes.  After she had arrived unconscious at the hospital, the healers had said that her body bore no injuries but her mind was bewitched, preventing her from ever waking up. Now, this statement was no longer true. Tina’s heartbeat wasn’t steady as it used to be, and her blood pressure was incredibly low. It was as if her entire body was slowly giving up on her, and there was nothing he could do about it.

Every hour of the day, Newt Scamander remained on her side, clutching her hand into his, begging her to come back to him, whispering encouragement or simply retelling his day. His voice always broke whenever he assured her that he loved her. Every hour of the day, Newt Scamander watched hopelessly as the woman he loved withered away.

No healers had managed to cure her.

No one knew what had happened.

He sighed, meeting the sympathetic glance of Mallory, Tina’s proclaimed healer. The woman, while antipathetic at first, had been incredibly kind to him,  comprehending his sorrow. She brought him tea every day, and covered him with a blanket whenever he fell asleep on his uncomfortable chair. They had talked a few times, and it felt good to have a conversation that wasn’t one sided. Today, she wasn’t wearing her blouse but a nice blue shirt with matching pants, and had let her silvery hair down : it was rather long — mid-back and curling on her shoulders.  After a few weeks here, s he was the only friend he had.

Of course, Theseus and Jacob had swung by as well — but their busy lives prevented them from spending much time with him, watching over Porpentina. Especially his brother , who was trying his hardest to find and punish those who had hurt his family.

In a way,  Mallory was always  t here for him.

“Are you married, Mallory ?” He asked her softly, taken aback by her  earlier comment .

The witch blushed, slightly turning away. The magizoologist had learnt from their previous conversation that she had recently graduated from Hogwarts — She was a Ravenclaw. He had not been wrong in guessing that she was quite young. Mallory was incredibly intelligent and was working twice as hard as her colleagues as if she had something to prove. Over the past weeks, she had been spending a lot of time with him, chatting about anything, keeping him company when he most needed it. She was an amazing person, outside of her prickly exterior — and most importantly, she did her job brilliantly.

“I am not.” The witch replied shyly.

Her eyes barely met his own, as she kept  turning away from his gaze , ashamed perhaps. She didn’t say anything else, playing with a lock of hair. 

He smiled softly, rubbing his eyes, awake at last as she approached to check on his wife. Her skilled hands travelled her sleeping form carefully, checking her pulse, her temperature. 

“When you love someone — when you truly love them — no matter what happens, you never let them go. Maybe one day — you will meet a young wizard who will make you feel that way. Maybe one day, he will need  you close. And you will stay.”

Mallory’s smile faded, and her cheek took another shade of red. She cast a series of spells to clean and feed Tina who was losing weight day  by day  and pulled the covers over her lifeless body. She kept on stealing glances at him, and turned her head whenever he tried to return them. Nervous, she slowly made her way out of the room, pushing the tray in front of her before turning once more  to Newt .

“Would — Would you want some tea ? Or — Would you like me to stay ?” She whispered, averting her eyes.

Oblivious, Newt smiled lightly. The witch chuckled with relief, her tensed shoulders relaxing at the sight of him. As much as he was enjoying her company, he needed to talk to his wife alone, let her know how much he loved her and prayed for her to come back to him safely.

“A tea would be delightful — Thank you.”

Mallory left and he could swear he had seen hurt in her eyes — as  for why, he  had no idea .

* * *

When Newt Scamander awoke again, his head was resting  by the side of  his wife’s belly , an arm slung over it protectively, and he could feel her chest rise and fall at her every breath. He hadn’t felt himself drift into unconsciousness — he could feel how exhausted he was, but had made his personal duty to remain next to his wife, watching her, expecting her to wake up. There was a cup of tea sitting next to him, on the cupboard : it was no longer steaming, as he imagined it had once been. How long had he been  asleep  ? A blanket was carefully wrapped around his aching body — Mallory. He smiled shyly, pulling it closer to his cold body. This chair he hadn’t left  much in two weeks was  causing  his back and neck  to be sore , and he  stretched , cracking his back, running a shaky hand through his tousled hair.

His eyes fell on Tina who was still painfully fast asleep, eyes closed, long eyelashes caressing her cheeks. He eyed at his watch : it was just  past  midnight and another  batch of  tears  were rolling on her cheek to die on her pillow. He wiped them away carefully, and let his finger linger on her face. It had been happening ever since the very first night, ad Newt couldn't understand whatever was going on inside of her head. Tina didn’t move, didn’t flinch. She cried at midnight and became paler and  thinner . She was  still  beautiful : his very own Sleeping Beauty to rescue. He wished that she would be awake so that he could tell her. He sighed. Today was June 11th. Today was supposed to be their wedding anniversary. He had planned this months ago : they were supposed to have dinner together, and head to Ray Noble’s concert in London. Newt knew how much  Tina admired the man’s music, and the song « Freckled face » was her favorite : she always said it reminded her of him. But right now, nothing mattered more than for her to wake up. Pulling a box out of his pocket, he opened it in front of her : it contained a simple bracelet he had bought for her on his way back from work. When he had seen it, he had immediately thought of her : it was simple but held a hidden beauty within. Newt carefully attached his gift to her wrist : it was too large. She had lost so much weight over the past few days. He would have to get that  adjusted  someday — if she ever woke up. She would, right ? She had to. This was only a curse : she would recover from that. She was stronger than this. Stronger than him. Always had been.

He sighed, and tears  rolled down  his exhausted face. He wanted to wake up the next morning and realize that none of this had been real. He held on to her. He would never let her go. No matter what happened. He would always stay.

Newt Scamander barely heard the door opening behind him.

Thinking it was Mallory once more, the magizoologist didn’t move, his glance settled on the woman he loved more than anything.

The person, behind his back, cleared their throat.

“Excuse me ? Are you Newt Scamander ?”

Startled, not quite expecting visitors, he turned towards the door only to see a middle aged man waiting on the threshold, holding his bowler hat in his right hand. The dimmed light barely made his features distinguishable, but even in the darkness, Newt could observe scars all over his  livid face. Wearing a long black coat, relying on a cane to walk, there was something strange about this man — something that made his hairs stand up. He didn’t seem trustworthy. He  felt dangerous.

Newt drew out his wand from his pocket, ready to defend his wife.

The man held up his arms in the air, showing that he was unarmed. He took careful steps towards him and the light shone upon his face. He was disfigured.

“I read your story in the paper — How your wife was cursed. I think I might be able to help.”

  
  


* * *

She woke up in his arms, and froze before sighing heavily. Goosebumps started to spread on her naked body and yet, she was not cold — just utterly anxious. The neighbor’s radio was still playing Ray Noble’s song — this time, it sounded almost sad, a presentment of the fatal events that would be happening today. Newt’s touch on her skin made her shiver, and  Tina bit her lip. Why was he making this harder than it already was ? Showing her how much he loved her, how much he cared — while all she could think about was  him dying once more today. What would it be this time ? Would he choke on his breakfast ? Would he drown in the sink ? Would he sacrifice himself trying to save her ? A tear rolled  down her cheek and died on her pillow. Newt didn’t stop tracing her outline, humming Ray Noble’s song happily — unaware of what was to come. 

She sighed. She couldn’t stand this anymore. Tina had made her decision and nothing could stop her from trying to reach her goal : she had to try. It was so difficult — so much more than people would think. She turned around in the bed to face her husband, staring at his hopeful eyes filled with glee and the only think she managed to think about was his  impending death. How she had seen the lights glimmering inside of his orbs fade away so many times. She couldn’t do this anymore.

Porpentina Scamander had made her decision, taking time to analyze what was happening to her. Whatever this was — it wasn’t real. It had to be a nightmare she seemed stuck in — and she needed to find her way out. The day started again every time her husband died — but what if — what if she managed to break free  from the cycle ? What if there was a way for him to stay alive at last ?

Stop the loop at once. Get out of — whatever this was. But to do that, she had come to the conclusion that she had to die first. If she did, then maybe tomorrow would be Tuesday and  Newt’s continuous deaths will cease . If she did — maybe she would never  ever  wake up but at least she wouldn’t have to witness the loss of her loved ones  again and again . It was the only way out she could think of — she had to try.

Tina was desperate. Every part of her soul ached because of what she had  to go  through  daily . It was too much — she needed to act,  desperately needed  to do something to prevent it from happening again. It was torture. And maybe it was what these nightmares had been all about : torturing her into madness, making her weakness her worst fear. She would not bear this any longer. 

Always so attentive, Newt saw the sadness in her eyes, the tears she tried to hide. The man she loved always seemed to see right through her, as if she were an open book — she who had tried to conceal her emotions her entire life.  A ll she wanted to do was run into his arms, and tell him what she was going through. She couldn’t : He wouldn’t understand. She had tried before, numerous times. He just wasn’t her Newt — He wasn’t real. But he was no fool. The wizard asked her what was wrong. She answered that she loved him. 

It was not a lie.

His lips were soon upon her lips, his fingers sheltering the result of her broken heart and fears. The witch held on to him, thinking it could be the last time, knowing that one way or another, she refused to be tortured that way. She wouldn’t witness it again. Not ever. He had died too many times without her being able to do anything about it and she wouldn’t handle it any longer. It  had to  end today and here. Her tortured soul had seen the worst that could ever happen to her, her most private nightmare : losing the people she loved. It was enough.

She couldn’t do this anymore. History kept on repeating itself, she thought, feeling nostalgic. First her parents, then Queenie and now Newt. Newt who had promised in his vows that he would never leave her side — until death tore them apart. She had been deprived of everything already. What more could she lose ? Her own life ? A small tribute for a peace of mind and conscience.

Yes, it would end today. One way or another.

She waited for Newt to go the shower to be finally alone with her thoughts. She knew what she needed to do — all she had to figure out was how. And so Tina reflected on how to kill herself : she wanted a painless and quick demise, something that would prevent him from dying before her. It was such a strange thing to think about : having this choice was both incredibly liberating and frightening. Tina was in charge of her own destiny — While her life had been surrounded with darkness, she had never had dark thoughts of that kind. The mere idea of ending her own existence was almost unbearable for her. She didn’t want any of it.

She had to do it.

For Newt.

So he would get a chance to live.

So she wouldn’t have to see his body bleeding out on the pavement.

For herself.

She couldn’t keep living that way.

There was no telling whether she would survive or not.

She didn’t care. She would rather die than bear this one more time. 

It seemed like a nightmare she was unable to wake up from. A nightmare that kept on repeating itself — each time different, and each time similar in some way.

Porpentina Scamander had to try.

So she did the most impulsive thing she had ever done. She listened to the shower running : she had to hurry if she didn’t want to get caught and break his heart further. The witch reached for the suitcase where she knew she would find undiluted poison her husband had harvested from some creature. She climbed down the ladder leading to his little shack, and searched helplessly for a green bottle. She found it, next to a red flask which she knew would be the antidote : she spilled it on the ground. She didn’t want to be saved. Then, the brunette popped the green vial open, and without thinking about it, she drank it all, hoping for a sudden painless death. Hoping it would be quick enough.

As soon as the liquid went down her throat, she sensed her entire being burning.

Tina fell at the bottom of the ladder, convulsing.

White foam  made  its way out of her open mouth that meant to let out screams of agony.

No words could escape her burning lungs.

She closed her eyes, accepting her death.

“Tina —” Newt screamed  from above.

He was wearing his robes, still wet from the shower. Why had he come here ? Had he felt that something was wrong ? She couldn’t think anymore. Her sight was blurred.

She managed to make out his form, Newt was trying to climb down the stairs to get to her. She knew he would want to look for an antidote and wouldn’t find any. Why hadn’t he stayed in the shower some more ? Tina had never wanted him to witness her last breath — knowing well that it would break him the way she had experienced for the past couple of weeks. She wanted to tell him not to. That it was too late. She wanted to yell that he needed to stay put and let her die. She was too weak. She could feel herself slipping away — where was she going ?

Newt put his feet on the ladder.

He slipped. His  feet were drenched wet.

There was a loud crack.

He fell and smashed his head on the counter, his body  crumpling on the ground. Her eyes were closed but she already knew what had happened.

She already knew that she had failed.

She convulsed once more. How long would it take for her to expire ?

She was gasping for air but her lungs didn’t seem to work anymore.

She managed to look at him.

And she cried.

He was dead.

He had died before her.

And she woke up in his arms again.


	3. No other way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is no other way ... And still, it doesn't make it right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my friends !
> 
> I am back for the third chapter of this story, which I hope you will like.  
> Thank you for your sweet reviews and opinions about this story. I know it's very dark and sad and well... confusing but I loved writing it ! Especially this chapter which is filled with emotions, as you will see ;)
> 
> @Nakahisa, thank you so much for your inputs and corrections ! You are simply the best and I am so happy that you are my beta. You are making my stories so much better <3
> 
> Please, enjoy and do let me know what you thought of it ;)

Porpentina Scamander screamed into her pillow,  startling the man sleeping next to her. Newt almost fell out of the bed upon hearing her voice her frustration and anger, and held her tightly between his arms, hoping that his presence would soothe her. It  didn’t work though. . She felt trapped between his arms, prisoner  to  this nightmare and she needed to get out.  Tina had tried to end her life multiple times — nothing was quick enough. She had tried to kill herself and kept on failing over and over again. Newt always died first, one way or another. She had tried everything — poison, jinxes. She was tired of failing. Of losing him. Of hurting. She wanted it to end.

This time she wouldn’t have it. She refused to let this nightmare win.

Tina didn’t hear Newt’s questions, didn’t hear him hum Ray Noble’s tune right into her ear to calm her down. All she could pick up on was the erratic pace of her beating heart. All she could feel were the burning tears of rage falling like rivers on her red cheeks. All she could smell was her own defeat and the taste of blood that seemed to linger in her mouth.

Without saying anything, she jumped out of the bed, pushing the warm covers, escaping her husband’s grasp and ran towards the kitchen when she knew she would find the sharpest knife. She didn’t answer Newt’s anxious calls. It didn’t matter anymore. He would not remember any of this happening anyway. She pulled it out of the drawer : it was a gift from Jacob when they had gotten married. The muggle had insisted on giving them a full cooking set,  despite  knowing how bad they both were at making meals. They hadn’t used it yet — How sorry would their friend feel if he knew what his gift would be used for ? Tina took a deep breath and positioned it right where she could feel her heart beating in her chest. She hesitated. She shouldn’t have. She was scared. She knew it would hurt. Newt came running after her, sensing that something was wrong. She wished he hadn’t. Perhaps she should have jinxed him to the bed once more. Perhaps she should have immobilized him so that he wouldn’t have to witness the terrible deed she was about to do.

He gasped. She avoided looking at him. Newt Scamander was standing in the threshold, shaking, frozen. She could make out his shape from the corner of the room but did her best not to stare — it would make everything more difficult than it already was.

“Tina — what are you doing ?”

There was a tremor in his beautiful voice that made her heart break. Every time she tried to end her life, they would go through the same scene. And her heart was broken from having to tell him that it wasn’t his fault. That she was happy with him. She tried to focus on her task — dying. It shouldn’t be too hard, right ? She should have been used to this irrational fear by now, after all of her failed attempts. Yet the idea that she could never wake up from this was hunting her. The witch was doing this so that this nightmare would end at last — but what if she had been wrong ? What if she killed herself for real ? In front of her husband who was about to live what she had gone through for the past few weeks ?

“Look away Newt. Please... I don’t want you to see this!” She screamed, placing the knife a bit closer, unable to find her target yet.

She always told him to go. He never did. Her hand was shaking above her chest. She had to do this. She couldn’t — she was afraid. She didn’t want him to see. A sob escaped her exposed throat and she closed her eyes, hoping it would make it easier. Unfortunately, it did not.

Newt Scamander had moved a couple of steps into the kitchen, his hand drawn near her, attempting to snatch the knife out of her hand. He could have used his wand to disarm her.  However  Tina knew that both of their wands were laid on the bedside table s at each side of the bed. Her Newt would probably have done that. The real Newt would have stopped her nonsense with a spell. The man in front of her wasn’t real — why did he have to look like the man she loved ? Why did he have to take his shape, his voice, most of his habits ?

“Are you — Are you not happy — With me ?”

Her  broken heart shattered  in to pieces once more and her lips began to quiver. It was always the  same  question that came  out of his mouth whenever she tried to end her own life. The question she had been hearing for the past few weeks. Of course he would think it was his fault. Tina had never explained her behavior — it was no use really. Next morning, he wouldn’t remember any of it. Why bother? Why tell the same story thousands of times if it didn’t help her one bit? It only seemed to hurt more each time.

The brunette let out a shaky moan of despair. Of course she was happy with him. She hadn’t been happier in her entire life.

He was her world. Her universe. Everything evolved around him, around his sunny smile and his shy eyes that often ran away from her.

He was her everything. The everything she had never thought she could find someday, the happiness she had always imagined would be denied to her.

Her life by Newt Scamander’s side had been, so far, all she had ever hoped for and more. It was daily dose of love and laughter, of small fights that didn’t matter. 

She wasn’t ready to give that up. For nothing in the world.

“Newt — I — This isn’t about you. I — I just want to save your life.” She huffed sadly.

Why had she forgotten both of their wands on the nightstand ? Her sorrow made her  impulsive  and well — forgetful. She should have hexed him out of the way. She should have made him sleep peacefully. Blindfolded him. Would he have died before her then ? Would the universe had found a way to suffocate him with a pillow ? Would a plane crash  into their small apartment in London ?

She shook her head. She was tired of it all. She wanted to die.

But there was hurt all over his face.

Betrayal.

Confusion.

There were tears inside of his green orbs.

She didn’t want him to see her.

She couldn’t bear to see him.

“You don’t understand. I can’t lose you again.” She screamed, bringing the knife closer to her heart.

“What about me ?” He replied hastily, taking another step towards her.

Newt Scamander was only a few meters away — a few more and he would be able to touch her. To put a stop to all of this. Did she want him to ? Part of her wanted to live, and enjoy the very little time that was offered to them. The other knew that it was not how it was supposed to be. That something was incredibly wrong.

_ Selfish. _

_ Monster. _

_ You would be ready to inflict that on your own husband ? _

_ You are ready to make him watch ? Make him lose the love of his life ? _

“You won’t remember any of it.” She whispered, more to herself than to him.

Newt never remembered the previous day. His memory seemed to be erased every time a new Monday started. Maybe — Maybe this time, it was for the best. She was burdened with the images of him dying numerous times in front of her eyes — at least, he wouldn’t have to be this way for him.

The knife was closer to her chest, threatening to pierce her torso.

“Tina — Please — Whatever it is — we can work this out.”

_ We can’t. _

_ I know we can’t. _

_ I have tried. _

_ There is no ‘working this out’. _

_ There is no other way. _

_ Trust me. _

_ We will find each other again. _

“I love you more than anything Newt Scamander. Maybe one day you will understand why I have to do this.”

She heard a scream.

She saw him rushing towards her.

It was too late. She was already swaying, tears running down her beautiful face.

The blade was deep into her chest.

Blood  splattered  all over the floor.

Her husband rushed to ho i st her body into his arms.

All she could see was his incredible eyes shining with tears. His  beautiful  eyes who were still full of life. His mouth was opened as he screamed — she couldn’t hear what he said.

She drew her last breath knowing that she had won. That for the first time, she had died first.

Hoping it would be enough.

She closed her eyes.

There was a smile on her face.

And she opened them again. Newt’s fingers were all over her body and he was humming this horrible song.

  
  


* * *

It had been several days since the stranger had last visited Newt Scamander, promising to give him answers. They met to have tea in Diagon Alley : it was the first time he had left Tina alone since he had found out about her curse. Before leaving, the wizard had made sure that his brother would come and monitor his wife while he was gone. Theseus didn’t think it was wise of him to meet a person he didn’t know, who had appeared  sketchy but he couldn’t care less of what his brother was thinking. The Head-Auror would have done the same for Leta — if she had been among them. 

When he arrived, the man was waiting for him on the back of the bar, sipping what seemed like a pint of butterbeer. Newt joined him and there was an awkward  silence between them as he  took a good look  at the man standing in front of him. Balding, middle-aged, the man had icy blue eyes and lips so thin they seemed to form a line.  There were s cars on his face — around his eyes, and his nose bore traces of having  been broken many times. In broad daylight, he didn’t seem as frightening as the first night he had met him.

He presented himself kindly, ordering another Butterbeer for himself and for Newt. His name was Leroy Sharp, and he used to work for Gringotts as a curse-breaker until his wife was killed by the same curse that was currently affecting  Tina . He had left his position at the Wizarding Bank and retired to Dorset. However, upon hearing the news about  Newt’s predicament, the man had flown here to warn him, hoping that the tragedy that had happened to him wouldn’t repeat itself.

“This curse was made up by Grindelwald, you see. It’s a form of torture — painless … but deadly. I know for sure because — Well — I used it on people myself.”

Newt Scamander stopped drinking and stared at Leroy who had just admitted to being a Grindelwald follower. The man was watching his every emotions carefully, as if he was ready for him to storm out and leave.  Newt didn’t. Something told him that his allegiances had changed. Why would he come down here if he hadn’t ? Why bother helping ?

Silently waiting for the rest of the story, Newt  fiddled  with his wedding ring, as he always did whenever he was nervous. The idea of sitting here with a man who had once collaborated with their worse enemy wasn’t appealing — but it was all for Tina.

“He made me curse my own wife — to prove my loyalty he said. I had done something wrong you see — failed to bring him information. I cursed her. She died because of it. Because she wasn’t able to get out of this dream.”

There was sorrow in the man’s eyes and Newt could tell that it had been the reason he had left the Dark Wizard’s ranks. The loss of his wife — by his own hand would  definitely have shaken him up. Leroy was now on the run, trying to escape the many followers would had heard about his treason. The magizoologist could now understand why he was wearing such a long hooded cloak, and why he had insisted they would meet in a private place : here, in this strange bar, he was a nobody.

“Your wife is stuck in her very own nightmare — reliving her worst fear every day. Her body is dying — and if she doesn’t wake up  in time, she might be  trapped in her ordeal  forever. Eternal torture. It was a brilliant idea, really. Powerful.”

Newton tried to  ignore  the admirative tone to focus on what  Leroy had told him. Her worst fear ? Every day ? Was that the reason a tear rolled off  Tina’s cheek every single night at exactly midnight ? He bit his lip, ruffling his hair. It wasn’t a fate he would wish to anyone — especially not the woman he loved more than his own life. His wife was being tortured and there was nothing he could do about it. How was she supposed to wake up anyway ?

“Anyway, the only way for her to break out of this charm is for her to accept it. The only way for her to live is to do what she is most scared of.”

“She is afraid of losing me.”  Newt spoke up, for the first time.

They had talked about this. It was war after all , a nd their enemy was ready to do anything to win. This curse was the proof of that. They had talked about it, both confessing their fear  of losing one another. He could remember her eyes that day, shining with fear, the way she kept on playing with a strand of her hair. He could remember the smell of vanilla — she had changed her perfume, and he loved it very much. He could remember everything about that day and he smiled bitterly.

_ If I ever lost you, Newt… I don’t know what I would do. I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t imagine not waking up next to you. _

Leroy cleared his throat, pulling  Newt out of his  reminiscing . The magizoologist focused back on the scar-faced wizard in front of him. The man was twiddling his thumbs, throwing anxious glances around. Nobody seemed to pay attention to either of them.

The bar was crowded. People were happy. People were alive. Porpentina Scamander was between life and death.

“She must kill you — in her conscioucness. She must be the one to bring death upon you. This is how she will get out of the dream.”

Newt’s mouth shot wide open. Truth to be told, he had not been expecting this sort of outcome that brought nothing but despair. He had never doubted his wife’s capacity to survive — he knew she would fight her way back to him. But right now, he knew.

He knew that she could never to do it.

Unless she had gathered that it was not reality.

How was the spell working ? Would she remember every single one of his death ? Would she be able to build up a plan ?

Tina could never kill him. Just like he knew he could never do that to her as well.

She would never come back.

She would die.

There was nothing he could do.

“I must warn you, Mr. Scamander. Those who had recovered from this curse turned mad — couldn’t tell what was real, and what wasn’t. Poor things, really. A fate worse than death, somehow. I am glad my Jane didn’t live through it.”

Leroy  dis apparated.

When  Newt went  back to the hospital, Theseus was waiting for him in front of the ward.

He looked pale, and extremely worried, pacing to and fro the corridors, ruffling his curly hair.

Newt asked why he wasn’t  inside  with Tina.

The oldest brother answered that she had a seizure.

* * *

_ You have to kill me. _

_ You have to kill me, Tina. _

_ It is the only way. _

_ You have to be the one doing it. _

Porpentina Scamander awoke in her husband’s arms once more, but this time, she didn’t hear the song on her neighbor’s radio. They were still Monday but something was different. Ray Noble had been replaced by this strange voice that didn’t seem to disturb the Magizoologist whose hands were still trailing down the shape of her hip. It was as if the  radio’s  antenna was crippled and she could  only make out words instead of  music . Horrible words. It sounded like Newt’s voice — but they were many interferences. It sounded like Newt — but he was in bed with her. How was it even possible ? The words chanted in her ears, and she shook her head, trying to get rid of them.  _ Kill me _ ? What does it even mean ? Wasn’t it bad enough that she had to see him die — now she had to murder him herself ?

_ It is the only way _ . Her mouth opened in awe realizing what was being said. Who this voice belonged to. This was her husband she could hear, the real one. Of course this was the only way. The brunette had gathered that this nightmare she had found herself in was made to drive her crazy. Living her worst fear everyday knowing that there was nothing she could do to stop it. But what if there was a way ? What if this voice had been right ?

Killing Newt would be the worst atrocity she had ever thought of. It was also her deepest, most concealed fear ever since they had talked about it with the other Aurors during a meeting.

Theseus and the team were discussing witnesses and the recent kidnapping that had happened recently among the Ministry. The Head-Auror’s voice was still echoing in her mind.

“Protect these information with your life. In those dark times, you might even have to kill those who are closest to you to protect our world. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but we cannot put the future in  jeopardy for one person.”

Ever since that day, Porpentina Scamander had been dreading this, the moment she would have to kill her own husband to restore order. So that their secrets would remain theirs.

This dream was making her see her worst fear — and now she had to fight it, and accept it.

At least, she thought.

But killing him — It was barbaric and horrible and she couldn’t do this. Be the one to hurt him, and end his life. She couldn’t do this. Just like he would never be able to either, and she just knew it.

“Good morning sleeping beauty.”

She sighed, thinking how much this sentence could hurt knowing what was about to happen. Tina took a deep breath, trying to focus on anything but the idea of murdering her own husband.

“Would you — want to have a shower with me ?” She quickly said.

Newt chuckled, and eyed at his watch. They still had about an hour to get ready, but the brunette was aware that none of them would ever get to work today. What was the point anyway ? Might as well get on with it and let it all be over — or start again.

“I — I don’t see why not.”

He took her hand and lead her to the bathroom where she undressed quickly.  Tina felt dirty — these thoughts had made her disgusted with herself and craving for something — anything that would take her mind off of it. She sighed, knowing that it could be the last time she got to see the beautiful and kind man she had married. She wanted to make that last moment count. Newt wasn’t even halfway through unbuttoning his shirt  when Tina  threw herself at him, pressing her naked body against his in desperation. Tina’s hands were all on his hair, her chest bumping into his. He chuckled at her eagerness, oblivious of the  mental state she was in, of the racking of  thoughts in  her mind, of the terrible ideas that were floating inside of her head. She kissed him feverishly, waving her wand so that he was now standing naked in front of her, pushing him against the shower wall, witnessing the physical responses she was getting from all her ministrations. The water was running on both of their bodies now, warm, washing away the memories of this nightmare she was living in. She panted when his hand found her breast, handling them with utmost care, making her moan. Porpentina Scamander had never experienced angry sex before — it had always been gentle and sweet between them. But right now, she was so desperate to feel him, to feel anything else but the sorrow and the fear. She was the one who was angry — furious at this situation, the one who needed a  getaway . The brunette bit his collarbone, bruising this skin, marking him as hers. Newt, confused by her behavior, followed her lead and was soon found  himself  panting in her ear, holding her from behind. They found their rhythm, rather erratic, just like the beating of their hearts. Tina moaned, overwhelmed with this intense feeling, wanting to  sink into  oblivion . 

They made love that morning. They took their time forgetting about work — feeling each other. Crying for release. Screaming each other’s name.

Hands clasped together, breathing ragged, she abandoned herself to the warm arms of the man she loved. The man she was about to kill.

_ You must be the one to do it Tina. You have to kill me. _

Porpentina shook her head. Where was this voice coming from ? She frowned, trying to forget about it all. Newt was still buried  deep  inside of her, close to his  point of no return . She had been as well, until the voice had brought her back to the present. To her reality. While a few seconds ago, she had been filled with pleasure, she found herself rushed back to this shower, to this Monday that never seemed to end.

She was about to kill the man she loved the most.

With a grunt, her husband pulled back. He had cried as his orgasm had washed over him. Tina  didn’t have  this pleasure, stopped by her own thoughts. His hand was already seeking to return the favor but she pushed it away. She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t pretend any longer.

The moment was gone.

They washed and she exited the shower promptly, trying to pull herself together. Trying to find the courage. Still floating on his cloud of bliss, Newt Scamander  got  dressed, his back to her. This was now, or never, she thought. That way, she wouldn’t get to witness the look in his eyes  when he sees t he wand pointed at him.

Fiddling in her pockets, she found the tool that would bring death upon her family and raised it directly at her husband.

“Newt ?” She found herself asking, voice shaking with the tears already spilling out of her beautiful dark eyes. “You know that I love you, don’t you ?”

She needed to say it one more time.

She needed him to know.

She wanted to tell him that he was the best thing that had ever happened to her.

Wanted to let him know that she had never wanted this.

Her head was killing her.

Her entire body ached.

_ I can’t lose you. Come back to me. _

_ I love you. _

There was this voice again.  The real  Newt’s voice, calling her over and over. He sounded scared and desperate just like she was.

“Of course I do.” Her husband answered, pulling his pants up and fumbling with his suspenders.

Tina held on her wand tighter. Two words. It was all she needed to say. Two stupid words and it would be over. How could it be so difficult ? She suppressed a sob, trying to remain focused. As if it was aware of her predicament, the voice arose again. 

_ You could never hurt me. _

_ Fight this Tina. Come back to me. _

It was the final pull she needed.

“I love you more than anything.”

It was a faint whisper. Her head was down. Her hand was shaking. Her world was about to collapse.

Porpentina Scamander lifted her chin, and her husband chose this moment to turn around, having adjusted his bow tie. He didn’t get to understand what was happening. He didn’t get to retaliate. It was too late for him, for the both of them.

It was over.

“Avada Kedavra.”

She saw the surprised look on his face. She wanted to die as well.

A wave of nausea hit her : she was disgusted at herself.

His body fell limp on the floor, the wooden floor creaked with the weight and speed of his fall. His head  hit  the ground  hard . Just like the first time she had witnessed his demise. His eyes were open, staring right at her, accusing her of murdering him. She was responsible. Tina  doubled over  and threw up on the side, absolutely sickened by her choices and actions. She breathed hard, wiping her lips and looked right at him once more. His lips were parted, as if he had tried to whisper one last thing — she would never find out what.

She imagined it to be a question. One simple question. Why ?

_ Why ? _ She thought.  _ Why is it happening to me ? _

Where was that guiding voice when she needed it ? Why wouldn’t the day restart ?

He was gone. She had killed him.

Tina knelt next to him, falling by his side, bringing his head on his lap and brushing his tousled hair with her fingers. He was already rigid between her arms. She was shaking, sobbing, suffocating in her tears. He was gone and it was her fault. The witch closed her eyes, burying her face in the crook of his neck. His skin was cold, but it  still smelt like him and right now, it was enough comfort for her. She wanted to die next to him, and never wake up. She would never be able to live with herself knowing that she had managed to murder the only person she had ever loved. The only person who had loved her back.

She waited for the day to begin again,  this time  hoping, for once, that it would. She waited for a minute, an hour, a week, clenching her husband’s death body between her arms. It did not come. Ray Noble did not sing. There were no fingers tracing the outlines of her body.

She didn’t open her eyes.

She was cold.

She shivered.

A tear rolled down her cheek.

There was a soft voice on her right side.

“Tina ?”

It was his voice, hunting her. Reminding her of what she had done.

She sobbed harder, whispering his name over and over again. She wanted to die. She didn’t deserve to live after what had happened.

“Tina — You are awake. You — You came back, Tina.”

Back ? Back where ? To her nightmare ? But she didn’t believe it. She didn’t want to.

She continued to cry, holding on to what was now a pillow inside of a very white hospital chamber, her husband by her side. 


	4. Never Normal Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina tries to heal. Newt remains by her side every step of the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends !
> 
> Sorry I missed last week's update ! I re-read the chapter and thought It needed more work. It took me a while to figure out what I had been missing but now, I am happy to share this chapter with you. I value quality above all, and I hope you understand !
> 
> As you may have noticed, I changed the chapter's number :) You shall have one more chapter (Tina's healing needed more development!)
> 
> I will publish chapter 5 in two weeks time (I am incredibly busy with work and I wish I could write more but... it is what it is I guess ?)
> 
> Big thank you to @Nakahisa, my awesome beta who has helped me so much in terms of writing and correcting ! You truly are the best ever <3
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter, let me know what you thought and I will see you in two weeks for the last chapter <3

It had been two weeks since Tina had awoken. Two more weeks in the hospital, where Newt spent most of his awake time by her side, trying to reassure her and convince her that she was no longer stuck within her own mind.

Two weeks since the seizure that had almost killed her.

Newt Scamander remembered barging into the room, running in with his brother hot on his heels only to see his sleeping wife convulsing, still unconscious, hands thrashing around and at times whacking her bedside table. Healers had tried to restrain her, conjured cloth tied around her limbs to the bed frame. But Tina was strong and her bindings were starting to cut her skin : blood was trickling from her wrist and ankle. Mallory was the one holding Tina’s head down on the pillow to keep her from smashing the back of her head against the bedpost, with much difficulty. Their wedding photograph that Newt had brought along to decorate this empty room had fallen into the ground, the glass surface broken into pieces on the floor. The same happened to the flower vase that had been offered to her by her visitors. The chaotic mess stunned Newt, and he stood frozen on the threshold, unsure of what to do. He was torn between remaining where he was for fear of worsening everything, and rushing towards Mallory to help despite not understanding what was happening. Tina’s heartbeat was too quick for her own good, her eyes were opened but only the whites were showing. She was dying. Newt willed himself to move, helping the healers immobilize her, whispering gentle soothing words into her ear, begging her to come back to him. He couldn’t exactly tell why he had felt such a strong need, why he wanted to believe that he could reach out to her. Somehow, he knew that Tina was listening, wherever she was. He knew she would claw her way back to him, so he would give his all to support her.

There wasn’t much time left.

Suddenly, the convulsions stopped, and  Tina’s frail body laid limp on her bed, sweating profusely.  Newt  pulled away from her beautiful face the few strands of hair that had managed to get stuck on her wet cheeks, his hand over her heart to check that she was still alive.

She was. She had won.

H er eyes  had shut again but Newt had known that she was back because of the pinky  hue  that had  re appeared on her cheeks.  The  convulsion s ceased ,  replaced by the sounds of sobbing. Tina’s  s shoulders shuddered  with every breath she took.  She  cried and screamed.  Newt continued his consoling. She couldn’t hear him.

At least, she had won over the curse.

Just like Leroy had said it would, the curse had left Porpentina Scamander utterly broken and desperate – Healers  shared  that  it was highly likely for his wife to become mentally unsound .  Call him stubborn and in denial, but Newt  knew better : his wife was most probably the strongest person he knew. She could beat this, he believed in her and  stayed by her side every step of the way.  It had been a few days since she woke up and had long enough lucid moments . Ever since Tina was aware of her surroundings,  she had refused to look at  her husband in the eye, ashamed of what she had done, not even daring to  speak . Newt knew, of course. The former  acolyte  had told him during their meeting. He knew that Tina had killed him inside of her mind, that she had watched him die by her own hand. She had managed to get free :  perhaps she had heard his words and  followed his voice back to reality. He couldn’t be more proud of her for doing he knew he could have never done. 

She wouldn’t look at him, nor talk. There was nothing to say. He, on the other hand, decided to show her how much he had missed her. He told her all about the past few weeks, hoping to ease her mind , to reassure her .

The brunette listened, but  it seemed like her thoughts were far away .  Tina was different, she was like  an empty shell of a woman he knew to be energetic and strong. 

That same week, Tina  woke up  on a Monday morning, screaming, holding her pillow against her chest, refusing to believe that her suffering had at last ended. Healers had rused to see her and she struggled and fought against them. She was screaming that she was a murderer. Begging the healers to end her existence. The magizoologist had cried upon hearing her broken voice yelling those atrocities in the hallway. If only she could see that he was here, by her side, alive and well. That all of this was the past, that it hadn’t been real.

She had been highly sedated – which was perhaps for the best. At least, it took her mind off what she thought she had done. Newt had remained by her side all the time, and Mallory had tried her best to mend her.

Her state had incredibly gotten better during the second week. Theseus and Jacob had come to visit her : they hadn’t asked too many questions, knowing that her sanity  was still fragile . Tina seemed pleased to be surrounded by her friends, and for the first time, she  engaged in a decent conversation with them .  Newt  had left them together, not wanting to  ruin  this moment of bliss with his presence, which he knew would disturb her. As long as she was getting better – as long as there was a smile on her pretty  but exhausted face, then he considered himself lucky.

Today, Porpentina Scamander was getting  discharged . She was doing much better despite the horrible nightmares from which she would often wake up to, sweating, panting, crying. Her belongings were packed already, and all they needed was the healer’s permission.

When Newt re-entered the room with a cup of coffee for her and of tea for himself,  he found her by the window , sealed shut after her  earlier suicide attempt s .  As usual, Tina’s attention  was elsewhere, that much he could see . The magizoologist f ought the need to  go closer, and hold her tight.  He stood a short distance from her, still holding both cups, letting his wife get used to his presence.

He knew Tina didn’t like it when people touched her, especially him : the action seemed to awake negative memories \- based on her wary expression \- memories she was trying to bury deep in her soul. 

He cleared his throat, hoping that he wouldn’t startled her, and she turned to face him. The witch stared at him for a long time, looking puzzled, a dreamy smile on her face. She had not talked to him ever since she had awoken. Not for long. Only  a few words. Mostly apologies. Her slender body was covered with a blanket to keep her warm, and over the past few days, she had regained some of the weight she had lost. She was looking more and more like the woman he loved, the woman full of energy, willing to do what was right. Newt took a step closer, joining her by the window. He already knew what question was on her mind. It was always the same.

“What day are we ?” She enquired, her voice hoarse.

Newt sighed. He knew oh-too-well what day it was, and knew that it would upset her. Tina kept her eyes on him,  gratefully reaching out as  he handed her her steaming cup  of coffee , sipping her hot beverage with bliss. She smiled  at him, her gaze unwavering. Newt Scamander  returned her smile, happy to see his wife alive and well. He didn’t want to tell her the day  though , didn’t want her to go back to this abyss that seemed to swallow her whole. The brunette continued to stare at him expectantly, and he caved.

“Monday.” He whispered.

Her brows furrowed, her hand s began to shake :  this was what he was trying  to avoid.  His wife’s eyes were now staring at a spot on the window ledge.  Her breathing  became ragged,  and Tina brought her cup close to her chest, seemingly trying to make herself smaller. A wave of pain overwhelmed him as he fought his hardest not to scoop her and hold her tight. He didn’t want her to be scared. Nothing would happen to him. Newt remained frozen, but saw how her hand rose to touch his cheek, pushing wide strand out of his eyes.  This was something new, and he stayed still, letting her fingers remain in contact with his skin. Tina leaned in.

“Are you real ?” She whispered, very close to him.

Newt took her hand between his, lacing their fingers together and she stared at him in awe. His heart clenched in pain as he acknowledged her question. He wished he could have taken all her worries and memories away, save her from her own thoughts. He wished he could have proven to her how real this was, how much he loved her.

“I am.” was all that he  could answer.

“How can I be sure ?”

He sighed, and pulled her close , ignoring her attempts to resist . Her  head  was now  pressed against his chest,  tilted at an angle so her ear could hear  his heart  pounding  furiously.  Tina listened closely, taken aback, and he took his chance to pull her into a kiss.

Tina was startled, and for a quick moment, she didn’t move, frozen in his arms. Then, he felt her cheeks getting wet as she responded timidly. Newt pulled away only to witness the tears streaming down her face.

“Don’t die. Please, don’t die.”

Porpentina Scamander was broken. He wanted to promise her that he would never die, and never leave her that way. He couldn’t , for these were uncertain times . It wouldn’t be fair to her, and lying was not of his habits. Instead, he  hugged  her  tightly ,  rocking on his heels as he calmed her down with the gentle swaying  and they remained tangled together until the  healer came to  officially discharge her.

* * *

Newt Scamander awoke a few minutes before seven,  unable to ignore the feeling of being stared at . He yawned, and groggily checked his watch. Porpentina was already awake, silently watching him.  It wasn’t unexpected, considering what she had been through, but it was still felt a little strange to Newt. His wife was often the last one to emerge from her slumber and  as per routine, it usually took a cup of coffee  to rouse her from sleep . 

He could see that she hadn’t slept much :  the  dark circles hadn’t vanished, and her eyes were glassy, as if she had spent the night  awake .  Tina was smiling though, from the moment she saw him stirring, and her fingertips  traced the outlines of his face, from his nose to his mouth. Her naked body against his sent a warm happy feeling to his heart, remembering the night before.

They had  held hands when heading  home together. Newt had made dinner : her favorite. She wasn’t hungry but  went ahead and took a few bites of his delicious shepherd's pie.  A strange thing happened when he was preparing dinner. Tina paled  when  she saw him using one of the knives Jacob had  gifted to  them to cut the meat, and had insisted on getting rid of it. The magizoologist hadn’t questioned her motives and had thrown the knife away. They had  taken their time when they  showered together , in no hurry to exit since they didn’t need to wake up  early  the next morning. MOM was expecting either of them  to report  the day after  for questioning  about the curse , and  Tina was welcome to rejoin the Auror team whenever she felt  ready — which was a relief.

They had gone to bed together, made love along the way and had fallen asleep in each other’s arms. Everything had been perfect.

“It’s T -T uesday.” She whispered. “You didn’t die.”

There was a tremor in her voice. Relief. He chuckled, pulling her close to kiss her forehead tenderly. But Tina  resisted, push ing him  back , eyes watering. Her mouth opened and closed a few times, but no sounds escape d her throat.  Newt waited patiently, knowing that whatever it was, it had to be important.

“I could never save you.” She finally broke down. “No matter what I did. You always died in my arms.”

It was the first time his wife had talked about her dreams. The first time she said out loud what had been torturing her all those weeks, nearly killing her. He waited again, and she began to sob, retelling everything that had happened, how she had tried her best to keep him alive, failing continuously. He listened -- he didn’t know what to say or do. There wasn’t anything he could do to comfort her, apart from obliviating her, hoping she wouldn’t be hunted by those dreadful memories.

“I’m here.” was all he managed to say, all that made sense to him.

Newt couldn’t imagine what his wife had gone through. He could never know. But he knew that she needed to be reminded of what was real, and what wasn’t. Her torture, while still present in her mind, was in the past. They had to focus on the future, to let go of these horrible images.

He was here.

He was alive.

None of this had happened.

And Tina nodded, her voice hoarse from all the despair. She held him close, her ear right where his heart was beating healthily. 

“Promise me — Promise me we will die together, in a bed, when we are old — really old.”

Newt Scamander let his mind  wander \-- He had never imagined himself as an old man -- had never thought he would survive past his forties. He didn’t have anyone to live for, back then.

But now that his beautiful wife mentioned it, he could picture this life with her. Walking down the streets holding hands, slow and aching. Sitting by the fire, both reading a book. Going to bed together, curled up to feel the warmth, and never waking up. Dying next to his loved one. He smiled bitterly. It was perhaps the sweetest way to end a life full of adventures that had  led him to her.

“You know I can’t promise you that.” Tina deflated. “What I can promise you, however, is that I will try my hardest.”

She looked up again, a bright smile on her lips. Porpentina was beautiful -- he had forgotten how much. 

“That’s good enough for me.”

* * *

Porpentina Scamander sat in a white office, nervously playing with her wedding ring, waiting. She could hear the steps of her husband pacing to and fro in front of the door, as anxious as she was, especially since he was not allowed inside the room. Mallory was by her side, presenting herself as the healer who took care of Tina during and after the effects of the curse, looking at her with concern as the man in front of them scribbled furiously on a piece of parchment. He was balding, wearing a white blouse that suited his equally white beard : he was one of the most famous healers of St Mungo’s. His smile, coupled with his facial features, conveyed an impression to strangers that he was an old naive man when in reality he was nothing like that. His hazel eyes relayed nothing but kindness. This healer specialized in treatments after trauma, studying an expanding area called psychology. Tina never really believed in the power of words, but she had to admit that between her medications and his presence, she was already starting to feel a bit better. It had been a month since she had awoken from her curse -- _The Sleeping Beauty_ curse, they had called it -- and was closely watched by numerous healers who tried to understand her reactions and troubles. Healer Murkowitz was, by far, the most efficient. However, the brunette disliked those appointments where she had no choice but to replay and immerse herself into that never-ending dream she had had, hoping to explain to them how she managed to defeat it -- a curse mostly unknown to them. The brunette had to share what she had felt back then, what fears it had awoken in her today. How she felt now. What was going on in her mind

Porpentina Scamander  was not one for  such questions. Ever since her parents had passed away, she had taken upon herself to be alright because she had to. Her worries and fears were always shut down,  buried  deep inside her heart and never voiced out loud. And because of that she had soon realized that simple as “how are you” sounded, the answer wasn’t always easy.  Honestly, Tina had  neither  good nor bad feelings.  She wasn’t feeling anything really,  there was this  numbing emptiness she knew  all too  well . Back then, she  had filled with  case works and solving mysteries. It was easier to take care of everyone’s businesses but her own.

The man looked up, and she bit her lip absently.

“How are you feeling, Mrs. Scamander.” He said gently .

Anxious.

Scared.

Empty.

Dead.

“Fine.” She replied with confidence, hoping to trick her healer.

The man chuckled lightly, and the Auror understood that she had failed.

“Have you had another of your episodes recently ?”

Tina’s shoulder tensed.

It was the question she hated the most.

Because she couldn’t lie.

She couldn’t pretend.

It was written in her orbs -- the distress.

She sighed, and closed her eyes, rubbing her temple.

Two days ago, she had had one of the worst episodes since her recovery. That morning, she had woken by her husband’s side. She now insisted on sleeping on the other side of the bed to break the pattern from the curse, and their newly bought radio was sitting right next to her bed. At the first notes of music, her blood had frozen in her veins. Tina hadn’t thought. She had reacted. Getting out of bed, recognizing « Freckled face, you are beautiful » by Ray Noble, she had drawn her wand and blasted the damn radio.  Startled  by the loud sound and the  scent of  smoke, Newt  jerked awake ,  his eyes greeted with a distressed wife  sobbing at the edge of the bed, muttering that it was happening all over again. Scared to death that she would have to live this nightmare again.

Tina had been shaking with all her might, tears flooding down her face, and not even her husband’s words had managed to calm her down.

“Talk to me. What happened ? ” He had asked her, rubbing her back.

She had looked at him right in the eye.

“I can’t stand this song anymore.” Was all she had been able to repeat.

Porpentina shook her head , trying to shake off the memories . She was now back into the healer’s office, and Mallory’s hand was resting on her shoulder kindly. She took a deep breath, trying to calm the erratic beating of her heart.

“No, nothing important.” She answered.

The Healer shook his head and denied her permission to return to work. The following week, maybe, he said.  S he  went back home feeling as empty as ever.

  
  


* * *

Tina did not return to work the following week -- well, not really. She was allowed back on the premises to do some filing but nothing that could potentially awaken her fears.  No field work. She had to prove herself ready for the task before going back on the field again. Honestly, pacing the hallways was enough to clear her head and make her forget about her horrifying deeds. But before being allowed to be on major investigations again, her superiors, Theseus Scamander included, had nicely asked her to give her testimony and take a few tests to see if she was up to the task. 

There was nothing she liked more than a good challenge and the woman threw herself into work, using it as an excuse to avoid her crippling anxiety. Tina passed those tests easily : a simple curse hadn’t made her forget all about her work. All she needed now was the approval of her healer and boss, who she was now facing, in the very formal interrogation room.

It was cold, all too white to her liking. She was shivering -- from worries, perhaps.

Tina was not used to being on that side of the table and had to remind herself that she had done nothing wrong. She was not a suspect. She was only here to help out a friend.

“What can you tell us about this curse ?”

Porpentina Scamander sighed and began to retell everything she could remember. Her tone was detached as she tried her hardest to remain cold not to be engulfed into this never ending ocean of feelings. She could not afford that. Not in front of her boss. Theseus listened closely, taking notes, nodding from time to time. He let a few sighs escape his mouth, and Tina could tell that he was imagining what it felt like. For a moment, she wondered what would have been Theseus’ nightmare. Would it have anything to do with Leta ?

“Do you remember who cast it ?” He asked once her story done.

Tina froze and cleared her throat. She had not been expecting these questions… No one had thought to ask it yet. Not even Newt who knew best not to talk about the curse. Not Healer Murkowitz who only cared about her trauma. If only they knew… But they couldn’t.

There was too much at stake.

Was it worth it ?

“I don’t know… We were… investigating an old house. It was just me, Roorke and Dallas, our newest recruit. We had intels about people coming in and out of that place and we  decided to check it out even though it  might be a false lead… Turns out, we were ambushed by fanatics.”

Just like in this nightmare.

Only it was Newt who had been hit instead of her.

Newt who had died for her.

And his face -- no, she could not think about that.

She thought about what the Healer … had said about unwanted images bursting in her mind.

_ You have to chase them. They are not real. None of this was. _ She closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to get free from her surfacing memories.

_ Not today. _

“ Yes, but  who cast the spell ?” He repeated, perhaps sensing that she was not being truthful.

She opened her mouth and closed it immediately.

She remembered blue eyes in the darkness.

She remembered a scream that was not her own.

She remembered the sweet scent of vanilla she had missed so much.

_ Queenie. _

Of course she knew who had cast the spell. She had known all along and it had only made things worse. Her own sister, cursing her to a fate worse than death. Her own sister, causing her demise.

“I didn’t see their face.. But… whoever it was aimed it at Dallas. I jumped right in front of it and took the blast instead.”

It had been an accident.

Queenie hadn’t aimed for her.

Queenie would have never intended to hurt her, wouldn’t she ?

They were blood  relations . They were sisters. They loved each other too much for that. Didn’t they ?

Tina took a deep breath and looked at her brother-in-law right in the eye, showing no fear nor sign of her prior thoughts.

And Theseus nodded, finally convinced by her testimony. At least, she hoped he was.

“Mrs. Scamander, we know that it has been hard for you and we thank you for your cooperation. We have opened an investigation to find out exactly what happened, and we promise you, we will find who is responsible.”

Tina smiled weakly, pretending to be relieved. Theseus’s hand landed on her shoulder as a way to show his sympathy. He would have hugged her if they hadn’t been in a working environment. The brunette watched him as he exited the room, leaving the door open for Newt to get in. Tina bit her lip. What if they found out about the culpable ? What would happen to her sister ? Queenie was not on her side right now, but she hadn’t lost hope to bring her to the right path.

What if they caught her ? Would she be sent to Azkaban ? For the first time since she had woken up, her mind was filled with images of another nightmare, images of her sister, pale, weak, lying on the ground, all her joy gone and dementors flying around her.

She didn’t need  to ponder about  Queenie  being in jail. She only needed to get better. To start over and heal.

As Newt came closer and engulfed her into a warm hug, dropping a soft kiss on the top of her head, she smiled. She would be alright.


	5. Where she is supposed to be.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Porpentina Scamander has found a new purpose to her life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there amigos !
> 
> Here is the last chapter of this fanfiction, which I really hope you enjoyed ! It was a pleasure to write it, even though the topic was pretty difficult and dark ! I hope you will enjoy this ending <3
> 
> Thank you all for your sweet reviews and warm comments about this. You guys make me want to write and never stop -- it really means a lot to me !
> 
> And last but not least, thank you to my amazing beta @Nakahisa, who has managed to understand my needs and my purpose, and whose corrections and opinion helped me make this story into what it is now. You truly are the best, 1000 times, thank you <3
> 
> Now, I will leave you to your reading ! Let me know in the comment section what you thought about it, and I will see you very soon with new chapters and hopefully new stories <3

_ A few years later. _

Porpentina Scamander woke up with a start, looking around her frantically, sweating and breathing hard. She had had a nightmare again, one of those where she was obliged to relive the moment she  had murdered her own husband. The silence of this summer night was overwhelming : London was sleeping, and so should she. Ever since that curse, her sleeping pattern had been deeply disturbed by those memories that kept on h a unting her, even after many years. Shivering, she attempted to calm herself down by focusing on her surroundings, just like the healers had advised her to, so many years ago. Focus on your senses.  _ What do you smell ? _ She brought the blanket closer to her nose and inhaled the delicate  fragrance 

of fresh ly made laundry, touched the  soft  wool and thought of how much she enjoyed  having this material against her skin. Her mind was slowly getting over those terrible images of her husband lying dead on the floor.  _ What can you hear ? _ There was a soft breeze blowing outside, making the shutters creak from time to time, almost like a lullaby. The clock was making incessant ticking sounds, proof that time was passing.  _ What can you see ? _ The room was dark, except for little rays of light coming through the blind : she couldn’t see anything, not yet accustomed to her surroudings so she silently patted the other side of the mattress where she knew her husband would lay. Newt usually woke up whenever she had a nightmare,  whenever she trashed and cried  in her sleep. He always had the words to make her feel better, and waited for her to drift back to unconsciousness before returning to his sleep as well. He was attentionate and kind, understanding that she would suffer from these setbacks. Tina froze. Her hand hadn’t met his warm skin : the other side of the bed was cold and empty.

She pushed away the covers, alarmed and focused. Where was Newt ?  Did something  happened to him ? Suddenly her fears were back,  consuming  her. Her heart  pounded  in her chest  as tears began to well in her beautiful  exhausted  eyes . She trembled, as if all energy had left her.  Tina feared that if she tried to get up  to search for Newt , she would fall -- her body too weak to support her. Sweat began to trickle down her forehead as her eyes searched frantically for her husband anywhere in the room. Surely, he would have woken her up if he had gone  out , right ? He wouldn’t leave her that way. Newt always told her  wherever he went, even if it was to get groceries, knowing how anxious it made her  to not see him anywhere near her . Tina tried to calm her breathing, but unwanted thoughts  flooded her mind .  _ Newt is not here. The bed is cold _ . Was  it all true then ? Had she murdered him ?  Images from her nightmare flashed back; a blast of green light, her husband  lying dead at her feet, her wand in her hand. He was gone : she was responsible.

Tina tried to stand up, but fear had already invaded her mind and ended up falling on on the ground, rocking herself, muttering under her breath words even herself couldn’t comprehend.  Fear and anxiety displaced her reasoning and she felt  dizzy, nauseous and scared. Her senses were of no help now. She was sobbing quietly, panicked and overwhelmed by all those still fresh memories. But between her  loud sobs and quiet  sniffles, she heard something unusual. Something she hadn’t heard before.

She heard a voice. Words. A song.

Newt’s voice.

He was… singing ?

She couldn’t tell if it was real or not — her mind was foggy and her tears had made it worse somehow. But she had to make sure, to see for herself.

Tina got up and followed the voice,  willing her feet to move forward with her hand on the walls for support . Her legs were barely holding her up, and she pushed her messy locks away from her wet face.  Tracing an outline in the walls, she fumbled with the knob.  The door opened quietly : there was light  coming from  the bedroom next to theirs.  Realization hit Tina, but she had to be absolutely sure.  Anxious, she took a deep breath, decided to take a  peek ,  padding silently over and  pushing the oak door open.

Newton Scamander was in the middle of the room, holding their baby boy between his arms, rocking the newborn. He was singing a lullaby, while the baby’s eyes — green like his, were focused on his face. Wrapped in a yellow blanket —  complete with a  Hufflepuff  enblem  — offered by Theseus, his tiny arms  reached up in the air , trying to  grab his father’s tousled locks , failing yet giggling. The baby  cooed  happily, smiling  at his father . From afar, Tina couldn’t help but notice how much Cosmo Scamander looked like Newt —  already looking  dreamy, with the same texture of hair, only dark er like hers. He had a fair skin and something in her guts was telling her that it would become freckled someday. Newt said that  their son had her determination, for the baby had already started to crawl, and was trying to say his first words. Tina didn’t know what to think of it — to her, he was a smaller version of her husband. Together, they were her world. She smiled, wiping off the tear  tracks on her cheeks as she looked on at the beautiful scene . There was a smile on her husband’s lips that made her sway, and the shimmer in his orbs caused her heart to melt. 

“Now now, young man. It’s time to go back to sleep. We wouldn’t want to wake Mommy right ?”

The baby cooed once more, babbling  out sounds in response.  Tina smiled, all her fears vanishing. Her steps took her closer to her little family — her everything. Sensing her presence, Newt turned around, and their son’s face enlightened with happiness as he raised both of his arms towards her. Tina took the toddler,  holding him close and sighing with relief.

Cosmo’s head  rested  against her chest, his tiny hand curled between her breast. He was her anchor. They both were. Whenever the brunette started to question her reality, they always were the ones to bring her back to her senses. Their presence soothed her. Tina rocked the child, feeling the warmth of this small life between her arms, smelling the delicate fragrance of his head — it smelled heavenly.  Chancing a glance at her husband, she noticed Newt watch ing her  with  awe : ever since the birth of their first child, he always had that look on his face whenever he saw mother and son together. He looked at them as if he had never seen anything this beautiful before.

Before they knew it, their son was asleep once more, his head  resting against her breast , his mouth opened in a tiny “o”. The witch carefully settled him back into his crib, pulling his blanket over him and  slipping  his favorite plush into his tiny hand. It was a niffler plush Newt had made when she had told him that they were expecting a child. It  eventually became Cosmo’s favorite toy, and he couldn’t  go to sleep without it.

“He lost his niffler during his sleep. I heard him crying.” Newt explained, from the other side of the crib, watching their son’s resting face.

She smiled, stroking the baby’s cheeks, and she could have sworn that his mouth had turned into a grin — as if he had known that his parents were both here, watching him. Newt left his spot to get closer to her.

“Nightmares again ?” He whispered, circling her waist from behind, dropping kisses down the base of her neck.

Tina nodded quietly, watching her son move his tiny feet, fighting his own dreams. She didn’t want to talk about her nightmares, didn’t want to mention the anxiety  from awakening to his deserted side of the bed . It was already in the past. The sight of the two men of her life had washed away the worries and fears. They were her remedy.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” He whispered into her ear.

He was truthful as always.

She wasn’t sorry at all.

Cosmo needed his father more than her. Cosmo had been crying, fumbling to find his plush he couldn’t sleep without.

Cosmo would always come first, and they had both agreed on that. When this little angel had made his way into their lives, they had both known that no matter what happened, the child’s well being was more important than anything.

Tina preferred to know her newborn is safe hands, while she could always try to reason herself if anything like this ever happen again.

Her  once-frequent  nightmares were beginning to  lessen, fading away slowly — much to both their relief.

“Do you need me to prove to you that this is real ?”

Tina turned around, softly, and shook her head. It was the first time she had refused a proof. For the first time, she didn’t need any. It was all real. It was her life. She grinned before kissing his lightly on the lips. He smiled into the embrace, fool in love that he was. That they both were. That they would forever be.

They were happy. As much as they could be.

They were together, unharmed, and they had a son who had stolen both of their hearts.

Things hadn’t always been easy on them. There had been a war, and great deals of losses.

The curse, the nightmares, the constant doubts of her reality.

Her screams, her agony.

None of this mattered.

It had all worked out in the end.

What more could they want ?

“No. I know I am where I am supposed to be.”

  
  
  


* * *

“Mom ?”

Porpentina Scamander smiled, putting down the book she had been reading to her son for the past half an hour and turned to face the drowsy little boy. Cosmo, now aged four, was curled up in his bed, his dark locks sprawled on the pillow and his green sleepy eyes  fighting  to remain open. She ran a hand through his hair fondly and readjusted his pajama top, wrinkled by the child’s movement on the bed. Oh, how she loved those blessed moments she could share with her little boy : the past years had been pure bliss. Having this being counting on her, looking at her as if she were his personal hero had changed the way she saw the world.

Tina had gotten out of the curse damaged and broken, but even with Newt by her side she hadn’t found a way out of her fears. Her husband was an incredible support,  and for that she was grateful. However, since he had been the one targeted by her hurtful mind,  there were moments when  the witch had had trouble believing him when she doubted her reality. No matter how hard she tried, memories still assaulted her from time to time : they kept coming back in the most inopportune moments, like ghosts following her wherever she went , haunting her each step of the way . The Healer had told her that she would never get rid of them completely, and the brunette had accepted that fact. There was nothing she could do about it anyway, was there ? She had to remain strong and focused on her task to get better. With the threat constantly above her head, it was easier to succumb to the darkness. Easier to let it all swallow her whole until there was nothing left. Cosmo ’s arrival had brought light and hope in her path again. Cosmo had saved her, in some ways. Him and his playful smile. The way he called her name whenever he was scared. His warm body against hers at night whenever one of them had a nightmare.

“Are you the princess from the story ? The one that slept for a hundred years ?”

The woman sighed, considering the book she had read to her son. It had been Jacob’s gift for Cosmo’s birth : an old-looking book filled with Muggle stories that he had intended to give his children one day — but ever since Queenie had -- well, he had preferred to offer it to Newt and Tina’s child  instead . Cosmo was obsessed with them, and especially this story that reminded of her memories best forgotten :  _ The Sleeping Beauty _ Tale by Charles Perrault -- an incredible french writer and former friend of Nicolas Flamel. Both Newt and Tina had tried to shift his interest to the  _ Tales of Beedle the Bard _ and other wizarding world famous story but there was nothing to be done. The boy was absolutely obsessed with the muggle world and  absolutely loved hanging  around his poor Uncle Jacob.

Tina looked at her boy, her pride and joy. She remembered the turning point of her nightmares, when it finally started to ease off.  Cosmo had shown his first traces of magic at an early age, when he was still in his crib. Tina had been crying that night -- Newt was late from a very important meeting she hadn’t attended to, and the fear of losing him , of him  _ dying _ was too much to bear .  Desperate to hold on to reality, Tina tried to stop herself  from hur t ling into the Ministry to make sure that her husband was still alive. Clutching her head, tears rolling down her cheeks, the witch had rock ed  back and forth on the ground, trying to focus  on logic and reason .

And f ailing  at it .

Despite her depths of pain, her motherly senses picked out  a loud noise coming from her son’s room. As if something had fallen and shattered on the ground. It was a wake up call she had needed : Tina had raced down the hallway  only  to find her baby boy, nearly one years old, crying as well, holding his niffler plush against his chest. Above his head, a beautiful cloud was raining down on him, sending lightening on the ground.  Turbulent thoughts still in her mind,  the witch had tried to feed him, tried to change him but there was nothing to do to soothe him. It happened a few  more times , always beginning just when Tina was about to have another breakdown, before she finally understood what was going on.  It was the most probable explanation for everything. Cosmo was a legilimens. Just like Queenie. And that night —  all those times  — he had felt her anguish, had heard her pain and hadn’t been able to understand. 

He had cried for her. He had cried with her. He had felt it all.

“No, I am not.” She chuckled, hoping to hide her  dis comfort.

The Sleeping Beauty curse was years behind her now and yet the mere thought of it was enough to  stir the familiar unwanted  feelings inside of her.  The three words of the title weren’t her preferred ones but, it  was  her son’s favorite story , and for his sake she  would not break. Not in front of Cosmo. Her baby boy would never have to feel her pain ever again, she had promised herself that, that terrible night she had understood his power. It would only make him scared. Scared to see his damaged mother. Scared of the freak she still was. Tina had worked more than ever on her occlumency to keep her little boy from having the feel her everyday life pain.

But despite his young age , Cosmo didn’t see and remember his mother as a scary person because of the feelings he had felt; on the contrary, he loved her very much . 

“But daddy says…”

Before the dark haired  boy managed to finish his sentence, Newt Scamander  pushed the door open, entering the room . How long had he been standing there, observing them, Tina didn’t know. It was a habit of his whenever they read a bedside story : he would listen to them together and smile, never really bothering this moment between mother and son. Newt  strode  to the bed and sat beside her, ruffling their little boy’s hair while the child was laughing, trying to prevent his father to mess with his tousled locks further.

“Daddy says it’s time for bed now, little sir.” Newt roared, peppering his young and chubby face with kisses.

Tina watched them, in awe. There. This, in front of her, was the reason she wanted to be brave. For the men of her life.

Once the kiss attack done, both husband and wife tucked their child in for the night, and shut the light. Hand in hand, they carefully exited the room, trying not to make the wooden floor creak on their way out.  Just before  they closed the door to grant Cosmo a bit of peace, they heard his tiny voice rise  from  the darkness once more.

“Mom ? One day, we will find the evil witch that did this to you.”

Tina chuckled lightly, but her face became instantly dark again. She knew her boy only meant to be sweet and courageous but the thought of him, battling to avenge her was enough to make her anxious. If only he knew that his mother had indeed been like the princess in the tale, only she could have died from it… If only he was aware that the person who had cursed her was no other than his aunt he had never met. Was the evil witch really a villain in this story ? Or was it the person pulling her strings ? Everything was getting mixed up in her head — the story — reality. She needed to think about something else. She needed to hide away Jacob’s copy for a while. Cosmo’s questions were getting more precise and the brunette couldn’t handle hiding the truth away from him. For a short moment, her  thoughts drifted  to her little sister -- the one who had betrayed her. Did Queenie even know about the boy’s existence ? Would she try to meet him someday ? Would she let a murderer around her precious son ?

“I know, Cosmo. I know.” She simply answered, whispering sadly.

There would come a time where she would have to answer these questions.

A time where the boy would find out the truth.

The unspeakable one.

But not today.

Today, it was time to enjoy his innocence. Today was all games and bedside stories.

“I love you more than chocolate.” Cosmo  slurred as he gave in to sleep .

She giggled : it meant a lot considering that Cosmo had a sweet tooth, just like his father and uncle. But before she could reply,  Tina noted from the outside light reflecting into the room, that  the boy was already out, fast asleep, his thumb stuck in his mouth.

Tina sensed a hand sliding inside of her own and she held down to it, pushing with the other, the door closed. She barely acknowledged the fact that her husband was slowly leading her to the bedroom, making her seat on the edge of the bed.

“Are you alright ? I didn’t mean to interrupt but I could feel you getting a little tense.” He whispered, taking his place next to her.

Newt’s eyebrows were furrowed, and he  kept going on and on about not reading that story ever again —  Tina  didn’t think : she acted. She saw his lips babbling about the story they had read to their son and captured them, knowing well that it would be the only efficient  way  to make him stop. And  stop  he did. Startled, Newt froze under her touch and finally relaxed into the embrace, sighing. His hand  rested  on the top of her stomach out of protectiveness. She knew how much this curse had both affected them, had changed their couple routine and how worried Newt always was. They had both gotten help, and soon enough, hopefully, everything would turn back to normal. Tina knew her own burden, but she hadn’t imagined how hard it must have been for him, until recently, when she had finally been able to focus on more than just her mental health. Newt had almost seen her die that day. Newt had known the nightmare she was going through, and yet, could only watch out it all unfolded. In a way — the trauma they had went through was similar.

But as she held her husband tight in her arms, her head on his shoulder, she felt the butterflies like the first day and began to truly believe that she was finally getting better. That they were better.  T hat they could finally have a normal family.

“Yes. For the first time, in a long long time… I think I am.” She whispered.

And she truly believed so.

The curse was part of her. Part of who she was. She had accepted it. She had to move on.

Newt smiled as well, and settled for bed, patting at her side so that she would come and cuddle with him. She kissed his forehead, closing her eyes and appreciating the softness of his skin before getting up once more. Suddenly feeling a little hungry, the brunette left her husband to rest after a long day and went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and a night snack. Her hand came to rest on her swollen stomach as the baby had decided to move. She smiled, observing her bump that was getting bigger everyday. In another few weeks, she would be meeting another sunshine of her life. She would become a mother again, and her life would be filled with everything she had ever wanted. Secretly, she  hoped for  a baby girl : they had already picked names, and imagined how she would look like.  H er glass filled, and her midnight snack in hand, she sat by the table and noticed a piece of paper accompanied by a package that hadn’t been there before. Frowning, she seized the note and opened it only to feel her blood freeze inside of her veins.

_ Teenie, I am so sorry. Please, believe me : I never meant to hurt you in any way. I would never. Forgive me. _

Taking a deep breath, the witch tried to calm the erratic breathing of her heart, and the glass she was holding shattered on the ground.  Moments later , Newt came hurtling from the bedroom,  spotting the shards on the floor and  asking her if she was all right. This time, Tina was not shaking, nor sweating —  she stood shocked still,  her face blank, her expression unreadable. Inside the package that had unwrapped itself when the note had opened, an elegant blue shirt for Cosmo, and a pink dress for a newborn : they looked handmade -- and knowing well from whom it came from, it was no surprise. Newt  read the note and turned to her, waiting for direction. He seemed just as pale as she was, as if he had seen a ghost. The ghost of both of their past, of their mistakes. Tina’s lip pursed in anger as she tossed everything on the side, right inside the fireplace. Cosmo and their unborn baby would never wear anything that had to do with Queenie — not after what she had done. Gifts and a note would never make up for the years she had lost because of her sister’s mistakes. How had Queenie even gotten there ? Why would she feel the need to apologize after all these years of suffering ? Why now that she was healing ?

She was finally getting better.

She was seeing the end of the  dark tunnel . There was hope.

And her sister had ruined it once more.

Why did it always have to be those she loved more than anything that always ended up breaking her ?

_ I can’t forgive — And I will never forget. _


End file.
